Take the needle off the record

Uttered from my lips far too often in this house:

• “Use Your Brain!” – Usually gutterly groaned following Gav’s panicked run through the house with some sugary concoction of soda or juice spilled in his lap, thus dripping the ant aphrodisiac (antphrodisiac) everywhere.
• “No teeth!” or “Don’t kiss like that!” – I know…sounds like raunchy bedroom banter, huh? Ah, tis not the case. Miss Gab has become quite the violent kisser with the twins. She likes to kiss, then see immediate lasting proof of that kiss.
• “Who’s got big balls?!?” – My highly inappropriate verbal exchange with the boy twin when I change his diaper. No worries. I’ll stop saying that when he’s able to answer, “I do!”
  • It’s even more inappropriate when the day’s gone on forever and I forget whose diaper I’m changing and ask Alani about her big balls.
• “Helloooo! I’m talking!” – The bipedal boys in this house (ethan is exempt as he currently travels via attachment to one of my b00bs or half-rolls across a small space of floor) have a nasty habit of walking away while I’m trying to tell them something. This is sure to turn me into my mother, sharing my life’s history with the grocery store clerk or the librarian who only wants to clear the fines on my overdue account, not hear all about how sometimes the left contact lens is blurry and the right is perfectly fine, but then, suddenly, the blurry swaps sides, it’s weird, maybe they’re dirty, i’m always picking eye boogers from the corner of my eye, i bet i’m introducing some sort of filth i picked up when i opened the door, i don’t know, right now the right is blurry but the left is fine. Ahem. I have important things to say. Listen to me, people of this house!