So Fresh And So Clean

The koi and their watery abode are clean. No more oil. No more gasoline. And, geez Louise, no more green gloopy assorted fish excretory matter.

We are all agreed that dumping a ‘mostly gasoline, just a little bit of oil’ mixture in the tank was the bonehead move of the century. E has been surprisingly/suspiciously cool about the whole affair. He blows a cerebral gasket over a puddle of milk finding its way on the hardwood floors. But, gas/oil in the fish tank? No worries, mon. Well, nevermind all of that…E admitted earlier tonight that he had been hoping the fish tank would just “go away.” I can’t imagine what would have happened had I had a cat he was hoping would just “go away.”

Regrouping here. Shaking off the angry.

Cleaning the tank was a hell of a job. Imagine cleaning an overused outhouse recently frequented by an Exx0n carrier and you’re completing this endeavor with a mop bucket, 2-liter bottle with the top cut out for scooping purposes, and a small scrub brush intended to clean the perimeter of a bathtub. A 108-gallon outhouse. That’s my approximate volume calculation after taking measurements with my trusty tape measure. If you asked my arms, back, and legs today, they’d all agree it held at least 1008 gallons.

I housed the koi in a large cooler during the pond overhaul. Poor guys. Already living in rather small quarters to be downsized to a one-room cooler efficiency apartment.

I won’t go into all the pain-in-the-a$$ details, but there came a point when the sludge I was scooping looked exactly like this kiwi drink E is always slurping. I contemplated saving at least a quart of the fish gloop and substituting it in his fridge container. Lucky for him, I’m not a vengeful person. (oh but i will silently rage over this for quite some time and derive much pleasure over just the thought)

The job took all morning and half of the afternoon. Fortunately, the twins were having one of those perfect days and fully cooperated, first by sleeping late, then eating well and hanging out for a bit to soon fall back asleep for an extended nap. Gab, who is usually always begging to go outside, got her fill of the outdoors. She stayed in the backyard with me the entire time and has since not made one single mention of going back outside. She’ll reach age 70 and tell tales of those early days when she was 2-years old and would go “outside” where the sun shines, the wind blows, and dumba$$es pollute fish ponds. I tried to get her to come out and feed the fish with me today, “NO OUTSIDE!!!” The outside no longer exists in her world.

The fish were still in the cooler Sunday when I came in and read some of your comments (and showered for the third time that day). It hadn’t crossed my mind to also clean the fish. I guess the bonehead was contagious. After searching the internet on ‘how to clean oil from koi fish‘ and getting suggestions of ‘add a splash of lime juice‘ and ‘goes well with grilled asparagus,’ I opted for bathing each koi myself. I filled two large bowls with clean water and added a few drops of dechlorinator (which i also added to the cooler). Then, donned a pair of nitrile gloves (maybe the fish have latex allergies…ok, maybe i have latex allergies). One at a time, I transferred them from bowl to bowl, giving each a tiny fish rub-down without the happy ending.

Once in the so fresh and so clean pond, they swam around frantically looking for all their sh!t I had taken away. “Where is all my sh!t??? My sh!t is missing! Somebody stole ALL MY SH!T!”

As of early this evening, there are still six gasoline/oil/sh!t-free koi swimming around in my backyard.