Where’s the beef?

Hellooooo. Looks like I’m back to once a week postings. To be honest, I’ve had a few free moments during which I could have written something. But, my fingers were still b!tching about the fish pond, and really, just how much can you stand to read about the fish who love the smell of napalm in the morning…napalm, oil, and gasoline. For the fish simpaticos, all six are alive and thriving and sh!ttin’ up their abode once again to the lovely green decor they so love.

Oh, and for the vindictive, Fishkiller (as I’ve appropriately tagged the iggit who dumped the gas/oil) had his vehicle impounded last week. I know…I said I wasn’t vindictive, but SCORE! He was pulled over due to the tint on his truck windows being too dark. Then, double whammy for driving without a license. (someone, please, stop the Jerry Springer antics that seem to have overtaken my life…i might as well start chewing tobacco and participating in hair-pulling fights over the last nascar koozie in the bargain bin at wa!-mart) I assume from E’s distressful tale of Fishkiller’s situation that I was supposed to react with sympathy and compassion. Pfft. I managed to contain my laughter and simply grinned, “Karma.”

Moving on past the fish…there is life past the fish, right?

The 4th was a mostly pleasant day filled with an abundance of meat and poultry in parking lots and smiley face fireworks. I stole a few minutes of twin-free time and jetted off to the bookstore with Gav and Gab in the morning. Once at the bookstore, a meat patty on the pavement greeted me as I stepped from the car. Maybe someone accidentally ordered the double or triple decker, thus flicking their extra meat to the ground? (i once accidentally ordered a triple decker burger…the guys with me knew i always ordered the same chicken sandwich and just stared in disbelief when i mistakenly blurted out the wrong number…instead of inquiring, “yo, dee, are you gonna be able to eat all that beef?” they just assumed i was having a meat craving…it wasn’t until i sat down and opened up the wrapper and was all, “whoa! look at all this meat! i didn’t order this”…”uh, yes, you did. i wondered if you were gonna be able to eat all that beef”…between two guys, i had no problem gifting my meat…go ahead, try working that last sentence into your workday)

Meat. On the ground. On the fourth of July. Later, I was fetching a can of peaches at the grocery store to celebrate our independence in the form of peach cobbler. Pulled into the parking lot, stepped out of the car, and nearly busted my independent a$$ on a piece of fried chicken. Seriously. First a meat patty, then a fried chicken breast. That’s right, not just some measly little chicken wing. An entire breast. I’m not sure what to make of the protein parking lots. Vegetarians declaring their independence? (although, if so, someone cheated on the meat patty as it had a bite missing)

The middle part of the day, meh. E’s parents came over toting their entire arsenal of whacking, chopping, trimming devices. I always dread seeing his dad trudging Rambo-style from the car with his machete, ax, hatchet, electric trimmer,… It must be their way to feel like men, taking down trees. E and his dad beavered their way about the yard decimating bits of dogwoods, azaleas, and other assorted trees/bushes who weren’t bothering anybody. Don’t get me going. Makes me all twitchy and brings me back to the fish pond.

I was especially looking forward to seeing the fireworks since I’ve missed them the past several years. E is vehemently opposed to viewing any fireworks show. Thinks they’re “stupid” and he gets all twitchy just at the mention of them. My personal opinion? I figure it has something to do with some ex-girlfriend. But, that’s just my intuitive gander.

So, at the last minute, I sprang the news after putting the twins to bed, “Gav, Gab, and I are driving downtown to watch the fireworks. Later.” I’ve learned that’s the best way to get out of the house. Just all of a sudden announce my departure. And, then depart.

Departing I went. We found a meat/poultry-free parking lot on campus not yet crammed to the gills and staked out a spot for ourselves. Forgetting from what spot on the mountain the fireworks would be doing their own departing, we had to scurry to the other side of the parking lot after the first bursting in air was totally obliterated by a patch of trees. “Way to go, Moooooom.” Gav, always making me feel like a weiner winner.

The fireworks display was decent although it was a bit too heavy with smiley faces. The first one or two, “Oooh, smiley face.” Then, over the next 15 minutes, people chirping, “Smiley face. Smiley face. Smiley face. Smiley face. Smiley face. Smiley face…” I’m assuming the city snagged a deal on smiley faces?

It was Gab’s first fireworks viewing. True to Gab form, she pointed at the first few. Then busied herself with a patch of dirt and rocks at our feet, occasionally (upon my insistence) looking up at the hubbub in the sky.

I enjoyed the time alone with the two G’s and look forward to finding more meat-free parking lots on the 4th for fireworks extravaganzas with the twins included.

Gab has no idea why we’re hanging out in a parking lot. “Protect me, big brother Gav, from the meat patties and fried chicken.”

“Oh, I get it. We came to the parking lot to take photos in the trunk of the minivan. Cheeeese.”