I have been so very busy. So busy.

Man, if I don’t write a post now, I never will.  Or at least not until this latest novelty wears off.  You so don’t want to know what I’ve been doing in my free time.  Oh, you think you do?  No, you don’t.  Trust me.  Okay, okay, stop pulling my hair and I’ll tell you.

I, ummm, being of not so sound mind and 37-year-old body have, ummm, been, ummm, yeh you know, uhhh, errrr, when I should be writing and doing a billion other constructive things in my few spare moments, I…

I can’t bear to say it. Okay, okay, I’ll tell you.

I’vebeenplayingRunescapeandIloveitandstopshakingyourheadlikethat!

Good god almighty, I AM a 12-year-old boy.

Ahem, yes, I have been playing Runescape.  The pleasure-seeking part of my brain stopped developing right before puberty, obviously.

This is the bank for all you noobs out there.

“How did this happen?!?” you ask as your finger hovers over the delete blog button.

I can explain.  I can always explain.  ahem.  You see, Gav is a major Runescape junkie.  It’s cybercrack for him and he’s a hardcore addict.  He would live in the worlds of Runescape if we could somehow configure the graphics code to digitize and zap him into that virtual reality.

When Gav’s camping out at his grandparents’ house or elsewhere, I assume he gets very little exposure to natural sunlight spends oodles and caboodles of time flitting about Runescape.  So, I thought, “Oh, this will be funny.  I’ll create a Runescape character and cyberstalk my own son.  Yeh, that’ll be a riot.”  Instead of me looming over his shoulder IRL telling him to get off the computer already and run around outside for a while, I can do the same as some badass animated warrior in his computer game.  (i am clearly deranged)

Oh, and I am TOTALLY badass.  I wear ripped clothes, carry a hugeass bronze sword everywhere I go, have a ROCKIN’ body (i totally expose my midriff although i realize that makes my 6-pack a target for attacks), and sport purple pigtails.  Okay, maybe the bouncy purple ponytail on each side of my head is not in the badass zone.  At least I didn’t give myself pink hair.

Oh, if hairstyles were so easy. And, vibrant.

So, yeh, I am a total badass slaying goblins and giant rats all day to increase my attack and strength levels.  (you collect their bones and bury them to increase your prayer level…aw yeh, you didn’t know there was praying in runescape?…those kids are in church, honey, renewing their energy everyday…you can also run to the local bar and guzzle a beer afterward if you feel so inclined…yep, our kids are getting cyberdrunk…i’ve bought two beers but haven’t yet drank them…i did try to give one beer to a stray cat who lacked a sense of humor and regarded me with disdain…fine, dehydrate in the sawmill all alone…oh alright, i’m not that cruel; i milked a cow and gave the damn cat a bucket of milk AFTER offering the beer) (help)

This isn’t the first time I allowed myself to be sucked into one of Gav’s cyber pastimes.  Some kids down the street were all kookoo for Webkinz a while back and gave Gav the code to one of their “pets.”  Gav was already a bit old for the Webkinz craze (as i think that’s mostly an elementary school age thing), so he kept his little pet project in the closet.  Of course, he showed me around the inner workings of Webkinz and lo they had Mahjong.  Oh honey, I can play the shit out of some Mahjong.  So, I was regularly sliding into the computer and racking up money in his bank by winning game after game of Mahjong.  Geez, I became so strung out on Mahjong, I even woke Gav up in the middle of night a few times to get his password when it had been changed.

“Hey, buddy.  Waaaaake uuuuuuup.”

“Whuuuu?  Is the house on fire?“

“No, no.  I NEED THE WEBKINZZZZZ PASSSSSSWORD.“

So, now you know the depths to which my loserhood reaches.  Moms, I’m playing Runescape with your kids!  Let’s think of it more as I am keeping an eye on your kids and keeping them safe from giant rats and huge spiders.  If it makes you feel better, I’ll stop running around like a popstar with my midriff exposed.  Some kid made me some badass armor last night (yes, unfortunately, i am totally serious…instead of finishing this post last night, i thought i should spend a bit more time in runescape, you know, collecting source material so i could uhhh write an accurate post, yeh…i don’t want to feed you guys any lies…ahem…so, there i was killing cattle for their hides to sell on the grand exchange when some dude takes pity on my bare midriff and fashions a stellar set of armor for me to wear…i forget the material he used, iron maybe…he offered to make me a stronger set later as he had to log off and do his history homework – “just copying down a bunch of stuff”…man, history blows)

Hey, you wanna know what else?  I’ve been watching American Idol and the Adam Lambert dude totally looks like a Runescape character.  Totally.

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