Ruh-roh, Reorge! Someone’s still whiling away their days on Runescape.

This is one of those posts where a few most all of you may want to turn your head and cough or ponder the wasteful ‘b‘ in ‘doubt‘ or ‘k‘ in ‘knee‘ (unless you’re a wiener like me and say things like, ‘i can’t do yoga because it makes my kanees kahurt).  It’s about my gaming crack habit….yep, time to revisit Runescape.

I’ve been thinking about my original Runescape post when I first hopped on the Runescape bandwagon and how I was bragging about bronze swords and slaying goblins and giant rats.  Umm, total NOOB in the hizzouse, holla!  (i hear your mental wheels turning…the ‘p’ in ‘pneumonia’, seriously).  I’m surprised any true runescapers who happened across that post have not left a slew of Nerd! N00b! Die, Nub, Die! comments.  I saw this group of lads and lassies lining up for a quest of some sort the other day as headless me was woodcutting in the background.  Your public comments hover over your head in yellow lettering.  They did this for a solid 15 minutes, verbally lashing out at one another.  Sweethearts, they are.

I told you how I originally jumped on board to chat with Gav when I see him online.  I should have known from the all-nighters I pulled to conquer Zelda way back during archaic original Nintendo days that I’d easily get sucked into the Runescape vortex.  While I don’t play all the time (i can’t, obviously)  (but, boy if i could, i would no douBt be climbing the hiscores chart), I do play while breastfeeding.  Don’t think Ethan’s giant stature is coming from a cow just yet.  No, that boy’s dairy is all Titty Baby.  Sooo, I’m up to a combat level of 72 (the highest you can go is 138…surely i can work these skillz in a resume…attention to animated detail?  ability to focus on multiple ice warriors at once?  independently kicks much ass?).

Runescape dudes regularly run up to me to blurt out, “You’re hawt!” or “Be my gf! Please, please, please be my gf!” I joke with Gav about how emotionally damaging it would be if they knew what I was actually up to while training attack against hill giants in the Varrock sewers…breastfeeding twins (how unsanitary of me to feed my babies in a sewer, i know).  Of course, it would be b oo bee feeding because you can’t say breast on runescape.  Nor can you say hooker or pimp.  But, h00k r and p i/\/\p, yes.  Many of the girls and guys on Runescape dress like h00k rs and p i/\/\ps, respectively.

While Gav and I chat often on the Runescape site, we don’t “hang out” on the steps of Lumbridge Castle or anything.  We met up online for the first time in a while recently.  It’s odd seeing your child in 3D graphics.  And, like any sentimental mother would do, I took a bunch of photos.

My dashing young son. Yes, he's wearing pimp shoes. Very expensive pimp shoes.

Gav gets his woodcutting on.

Here we are side by side.  I don’t wear h00k r clothes while woodcutting.  Honestly, I don’t wear them at all because that would just be gross, 37-year old me running around kids and teenagers on Runescape with hootchie mama clothes on.  Yeh, I don’t think so.

Gav said it looks like he's about to attack me. Have mercy on your poor ole mama, son.

I thought it was funny, with all the skin color options available, we both independently chose a dark tan.  We are ghosts IRL, people.  So very white.  Gav probably has the genetic ability to get a nice tan.  Me?  Once upon a firm breasts and ass time, sure.  Now?  I oscillate between pink and translucent.  Melanin has left the building, folks.

So, there.  You’ve seen all variations of me thus far.  I shall leave you now with our latest beach vacation photo.  So relaxing.  Can’t you feel the breeze in your hair?  Hear the waves lapping the shore?  I can.

I'm disappointed that my ass is wide even on Runescape.

Did I say something about writing a book?  Shiiiiiit.