Is this being recorded?

I caught a break over the weekend and made it out of the bat cave to see the Dillinger gangstah flick Public Enemies.  Oh, don’t worry.  I won’t spend the next dozen posts talking about my lil trip to the movies.  (although, i could…i waited in line, i filled out a questionnaire at the door, i watched the movie, some not-well gentleman repeatedly cleared his phlegm-filled lungs just behind my right ear, i attempted balancing the restroom door shut with my forehead as i hovered 2 inches above the pee-splashed public toilet seat…lots of room there for mindless blog posts, so don’t tempt me)

I, also, won’t review the movie for you here.  I stink at summarizing movies and books.  I tend to take a left turn somewhere along the way, jabbering on about details not related to anything in particular (i love muenster cheese).  I will say that while the movie wasn’t terrible, I doubt I’ll ever want to watch it again.  That’s my test for a great movie…will I want to see it again later?  Public Enemies was slower moving than I thought it would be.  And, the forced love story thrown in there seemed, well, thrown in there.  Looking in the eyes of the real John Dillinger, I doubt he would ever put himself in harm’s way for a gal.

I found myself, as I always do when watching a historical movie, wishing I had taken the time to review my social studies notes from 9th grade beforehand.  I was leery on Dillenger details, the who’s who of gangsters, early days of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover (how did i never know hoover was presumably homosexual?) (umm, no, that wasn’t included in the movie…a little post-movie wikipedia perusing on my part).  I don’t want to ruin the film for others, but you might want to brush up on your Dillinger so you’ll know when to yell Bullocks! at the screen.  (or perhaps you’ll choose to hack phlegm-balls, whichever)  (is that what the man behind me was doing, “that’s bullshit!  never happened!  HHHHAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!“  ::phlegm-ball::)

It wasn’t until the end of the movie when we got the Where Are They Now (dead) scrolling text that I realized I actually was familiar with FBI shenanigans.  Mister Gav did his first ever Powerpoint presentation on the FBI…when he was in the SECOND GRADE.  While all the other kids had spent all year preparing their presentation on panda bears, frogs, baseball, or bunny rabbits, Gav was true to his old man spirit – he schooled the group on the FBI.

The children had spent the bulk of the school year working on their Powerpoint project, researching their subject matter, gathering data from the internet, preparing Powerpoint slides, rehearsing their talk in front of classmates, cramming or dragging out their talk for a specified number of minutes…  It was a big deal.  And, for second-graders, come on.  I’ve been through both undergrad and graduate school and still SUCK MIGHTY PHLEGM-BALLS when it comes to any sort of oral presentation.

I wish I had been blogging back in those days.  Gav was a constant fountain of blog fodder.  I remember at his 4-year-old check-up the doctor asking him questions…the usual “interview” with your child to see, I suppose, if they can carry on a conversation and interact with other people.  (i still find it virtually impossible not to interject and answer the questions for him, ‘yes, he has friends.  yes, he has chores.  yes, he has a bedtime.  umm, i don’t know about pubic hairs.’)  So, there’s the doctor asking him things like, “Do you brush your teeth?  Do you take a vitamin everyday?” with Gav perched there beside him on the exam table.  Gav’s watching the doctor scribble in his charts as he answers the first question or so and gets this appalled look on his face,

Are you writing down what I’m saying???

Umm, yes, Gav, I am.

That makes me uncomfortable.  I have nothing else to say.

And, that was that.  The doctor thought he was joking and continued asking Gav questions only to be faced with 4-year-old silence.  Nothing else to say.  His doctor still laughs about that all these years later.

So, back to the second-grader and his FBI talk.  I don’t recall if I knew ahead of time what subject matter he had chosen.  I would think I would have persuaded him to try something a bit lighter.  But, who knows.  Those were my foggy grad school years.  The teacher had sent invitations home to the parents, alerting us to the date, time, room number, be there or be square.

And, never guilty of being four equal sides, I was there along with 20+ other proud powerpoint-hungry parents.  Barely making it on time, I grabbed a seat behind most of the other parents (i’m neither timely nor social).  And, so began the series of cute, adorable, precious Powerpoint presentations given by nervous yet very prepared and sometimes whispering second-graders.

I sat through the aforementioned talks on panda bears, frogs, baseball, and bunny rabbits.  Not just rabbits, but bunny rabbits.  If I recall correctly, Gav followed the bunny rabbit presentation.  Very serious and totally not effing around.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.  Today I will be talking to you about…the FBI.

Panda bears, frogs, baseball, bunny rabbits…FBI.

I braced myself for what potential FBI treasures Gav’s little 8-year-old self was about to share with the adults and bunny rabbit lovin’ children in the room.  He gave a very well organized talk covering the origins of the FBI, keyplayers, its purpose, training, all accompanied by beautiful image slides of the FBI seal, J. Edgar Hoover building, text slides with bulleted key points,…  He spoke clearly and confidently.

The clear spoken, confident line from Gav’s speech that suddenly rushed to my mind this past Friday at the close of Public Enemies regarded Melvin Purvis, the lead agent on the Dillinger case.

Mr. Purvis later took his own life, shooting himself dead with a single bullet to his head.

Ohhh, yeeeaaaahhhh.  I do remember this story.  I learned it from my kid’s first Powerpoint presentation in the SECOND GRADE.

I remember seeing a few Moms in the second-grade crowd flinch at the delivery of that line.  I remember sinking a little lower in my chair.  I remember wondering if the FBI might have some involvement in fluffy bunny rabbits.  Yeh, let’s see bunny rabbit slides!  But, no, twas not the case.  I remember Gav confidently displaying images of a Tommy Gun (a favorite among chicago gangsters), the latest FBI’s Most Wanted list, and wrapping with a photo of the Twin Towers as he somberly summarized the events of 9-11.  Heavy.  ::ka-thud::

The Powerpoint presentations continued on with polar bears and kittens.  One kid got edgy with a piece on the Boy Scouts of America.  Woooo.  How many knots are possible?  Frightening.

One of the moms knew me from soccer and approached me afterward, “You know, I have to say your Gav gave the best talk for the adults in the room.  Very informative.”  A few dads jumped in, “Yeh, yeh.  I loved it!”  The other prissy moms worked their way past without making eye contact.  Pfft, bunny rabbit moms.

Gav says he wants to be a lawyer.  I could see him going the FBI route.  He has that seriousness about him.  Let’s just hope he never has to interrogate some tight-lipped 4-year-old.  Those kids never budge.  Especially if you’re writing what they’re saying.